Wait
by I-Can-Spell-Confusion-With-A-K
Summary: Lily has been betrayed by the boy she thought was her friend. James is in love with a girl who doesn't know what love is. And Severus knows he's lost the one thing he never really had in the first place. Now all they can do is wait. Songfic challenge entr
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This is an entry to the challenge made by oXBlue-flowerXo. It required that you use the songs "Feelings Show" by Colbie Caillat, "Permanent Marker" by Taylor Swift, and "Loser" by Perfect Victim, the other songs I added just because they fit. They are "Best of Me" by Sum 41, and "This Time" by Vanessa Carlton. I recommend actually listening to the songs, makes it more fun that way doesn't it? They're all on youtube if you're so inclined. Anyway, I don't own the songs or the characters, but oh if I did. Also, I wrote this all in one sitting, despite having finals coming up. Can't fight inspiration, oh well, enjoy!

Wait

Chapter 1: Best of Me

_It's so hard to say that_

_I'm sorry_

_I'll make everything alright_

"I didn't mean it." His voice was desperate, and she had to fight the urge to forgive him out of habit.

_All these things that I've done_

_What have I become, and where'd I go wrong?_

"But you said it." The fierce tone her voice had adopted surprised even her. "And you'd say it again."

_I don't mean to hurt, just to put you first_

_I won't tell you lies_

"Lily, I wouldn't…" He started, reaching out in an attempt to put a hand on her shoulder, an attempt to keep her with him, on his side, like she always had been. As if a hand could keep her heart from giving up on him.

_I will stand accused_

_With my hand on my heart_

"Of course you would Severus." She couldn't remember ever feeling so terrible about being right. "If one of your hideous, cruel friends were around, or if James and his lot were trying to get you riled up, you'd let your true feelings slip and then we'd be right back here."

_I'm just trying to say_

_I'm sorry_

"James Potter." He sneered. "If you honestly prefer James Potter to me, when I've been your friend since before you knew what magic was…"

_Don't believe their lies _

_Told through jealous eyes_

_They don't understand_

_I won't break your heart_

_I won't bring you down_

_But I will have to say_

"I prefer not to be told who I can and can't fancy." Lily jerked her shoulder away from him suddenly, and his hand was left hovering in the air rather forlornly. "When James was jerking you around, I defended you."

_I'm sorry_

"I know." He muttered, dark, stringy hair falling into his face. He'd lost her, he could feel it, but somehow his brain wouldn't register what his heart was telling him. There had to be a way to make her see, to make her understand.

"And then you…you called me a…"

"I know!" He interrupted. "I know what I called you, don't say it!"

_I know I can't take back all of the mistakes_

_But I will try_

"A mudblood." She spat, the word hanging uncomfortably between them. "Before we ever came to Hogwarts Severus, I asked you if it mattered if a person's parents were wizards and you said it didn't. But it obviously matters to you, and I'm not going to work this hard to be your friend if you can't even be bothered to treat me like a human being."

_Although it's not easy_

_I know you could believe me_

_Cause I would not lie_

"Lily…" She was already turning away, and he tried to fight the panic that was flooding his brain. Lily Evans, the one true friend he'd ever had, the one girl he'd ever…he had to convince her. He had to. "Lily, please."

_I'm sorry_

_It's all that I can say_

She stopped, but didn't turn around. He found himself confessing to her lovely red hair rather than her face, but he couldn't wait for her to face him. She might never face him again.

_You mean so much _

_And I'd fix all that I've done_

_If I could start again_

"Lily, I…I love you. I always have."

He could see her entire body stiffen as if someone had poured cold water over her. He waited. He saw her take a deep breath, and he wasn't sure if it was to hold off a sob or a scream. He still waited.

"There's a war coming, Severus. People are going to die, people like me, just because of who their parents are…just because of their dirty blood. And when that time comes it isn't going to matter how somebody felt when nobody else was around. If love isn't enough to make you stand by me in front of a bunch of schoolyard bullies, then it isn't going to be enough to make you stand by me in the face of real danger, and in that case what good is all the secret love in the world?"

_I'd throw it all away_

_To the shadows of regrets_

She started walking again, and he felt his insides crumble under the pressure of the truth. He'd told her and she was still leaving him behind. Long after she'd disappeared around a corner and vanished from his vision he was still waiting. Still waiting. He'd be waiting for her forever.

_And you would have the best of me_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: This Time

_It's 4 AM and I'm wide awake_

_Waiting for my thoughts to fade_

_It's times like these I see your face_

Lily lay in her bed in Gryffindor tower, tears running down her cheeks brought on by a powerful mix of longing and confusion. She just didn't know how she felt anymore. It was all just too hard. It had been three months since she and Severus had spoken. Three months since he'd called her a Mudblood and then told her he loved her, all in the same day.

"Honestly," She sniffled to herself. "What's a girl supposed to do with that kind of mixed signal?"

It wasn't that she'd been in love with her friend exactly…she just wasn't sure that she hadn't been either. It was all so confusing! Her thoughts and memories of him were all tangled up with her thoughts and memories of discovering magic, and arriving at Hogwarts…the joy of robes, and cauldrons, and wands was impossible to separate from flashes of stringy, black hair, sitting together on her first Hogwarts train ride, sitting near the lake while he told her about mermaids…

_Waiting for my thoughts to fade_

But how could she love someone who could call her a Mudblood? It wasn't a harmless word anymore, not with the things that were happening outside of the castle walls. And that hadn't even been the first sign that something wasn't right about him. The creepy Slytherin gang he chose to hang out with, the way he looked at people he was angry with, like he didn't care if they lived or died…no, if anything she'd trusted him for far too long.

_A flickering of all my past mistakes_

And then there was James. He'd been flirting with her for years of course, trying to get her attention, trying to get her to go out with him. She'd never thought of him as anything but an egotistical jerk, but then again…that day had changed how she felt about him too. He'd been horrid to Severus, but when she stepped in he let her friend go, because **she asked him to**. She defended Severus and he couldn't even refrain from calling her a…well, the fact remained that James was the one who had cared enough to put himself on the line in front of his friends. And ever since he'd been hanging around more then ever, carrying her books, bringing her little gifts, listening when she needed to talk. But did she love him? She thought maybe she did. But did she even know what love really was?

_And as the light starts creeping in_

_I slowly feel the day I'm missing_

_But I wouldn't even know where to begin_

Lily slipped out of her bed as the first feeble rays of dawn light began to creep in through the window. She walked softly to not disturb her dorm mates, and headed down the stairs to the common room. Somehow she wasn't surprised to see James sitting on the couch, staring thoughtfully into the fireplace, the flames throwing shadows on his face. Nobody was sleeping much these days.

Lily slowly eased herself onto the couch beside him, causing him to sit up suddenly in surprise.

"Lily." Her name was a whisper on his lips, and she felt a flutter in her chest. Did that mean she loved him? If only she knew.

"I couldn't sleep." She murmured, feeling awkward.

He simply nodded. She felt her face growing hot, and had to fight back tears again. This wasn't like her. If this was love, falling to pieces all the time, she wanted nothing to do with it.

He slid closer to her, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She flinched without meaning to, and he removed his arm, a look of hurt on his face.

"James, I'm sorry…"

_Do I push too hard?_

_Or fall too fast?_

_The moment never seems to last_

_But will I stop long enough to know_

"Lily, what are we?" James asked seriously, more serious than she had ever seen him. Serious enough to scare her out of her wits. "Are we friends, or something more? Because I'll be honest, I don't know how much longer I can be your friend."

"James I thought…"

"I love you Lily." He interrupted. "I always have."

She froze. Why did he have to say it like that? Exactly like the only other boy she'd ever…

_Your words circle in my head_

_Weigh so heavy on my chest_

_And I'm crushed by your expectation_

"Lily?" He reached out and took her hand gently in his, as she reluctantly looked up and met his eyes with her own. "It won't change how I feel about you, I just need to know. Do you love me?"

"I don't know what love is." She whispered, trying with everything she had not to cry. "I care about you so much James, I truly do. But sometimes I…I'm having a hard time letting go…"

_Did I say too much again_

_I'm just a girl in a panic_

_If I tell you my truth _

_Am I getting through_

"Of Severus." James muttered darkly.

"How did you…"

"I always thought you might have loved him." He answered, his voice dangerously soft. "I never understood why, but I guess I always knew. But after what he said…I hoped…well, I hoped you could at least love me more…love me better."

_It just seems I should confess_

_Who am I too pretend_

_This is more than I can carry_

The next thing either of them knew she was sobbing into his shoulder.

"I want to James! You have no idea how badly I want to! And I think I…I think I might…but I just need time to know for sure. Can you wait, James? Can you wait for me to know for sure?" She was hysterical but she couldn't stop now that she'd started, she just clung to his shoulder and waited for his answer.

"I'll wait for you forever." He whispered softly in her ear, kissing the top of her head lovingly.

_Everybody burns_

_And when it starts to hurt_

_I cry_

_I feel it in my veins_

_I just can't walk away, this time_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Permanent Marker

James meant it when he said he'd wait forever. He loved her, he knew that more confidently than he'd ever known anything in his life. But that didn't mean it didn't drive him crazy to think of her dividing her time between thinking of him and thinking of…

"Ugh." He made a disgusted noise, without meaning to. He couldn't even stand the thought. What did she see in him?

"I met him before I even knew he was a witch." She'd tried to explain to him. "He was the first one to tell me that my abilities were magic and that there was a place called Hogwarts…"

"He didn't invent those things though, Lily." James had tried to argue, despite his vow to give her time.

"I know that, James." She'd sighed. "But he was there for me during the most exciting and most terrifying time of my life. Not to mention he was my friend for all those years afterwards. You don't just forget something like that."

"Unless, he's a complete and total undeserving freak." James had thought, but kept to himself. Severus had always rubbed him wrong, but he only hated him for her sake.

Once he'd found a picture of them, and it had brought out the worst in him. In the photo the pair was about 14, and they were posed near the lake, though he couldn't imagine who would have volunteered to take the picture. The photo Lily was waving enthusiastically, red hair blowing in the wind, getting caught around her face every few seconds. Her other arm was slung around photo Severus' shoulders, her head tilted slightly towards his to keep them both in the frame.

In contrast to her beauty which had been blossoming even then, the boy in the photo was slouching, giving him the appearance of being shorter than his former friend. His stringy hair hung in his eyes, which he flicked nervously out of the way with a shake of his head periodically. But what really made James' stomach clench was the fact that photo Severus was stealing glances at photo Lily every chance he got, his arm wrapped shyly around her waist.

_I know she loved you_

_A long time ago I ain't jealous of you_

_Just thought you should know_

_You were never good enough for her or anything like me_

_So you might as well sit back cause I ain't trying to show maturity_

Overcome by frustration and a strange sort of jealousy James took out his wand and made an "X" pattern in the air over the photograph, smiling as a black X appeared over the face of the boy in the photo.

_X is the shape I drew through your face_

_In permanent marker_

_Oh yeah, just like the mark you knew you were making_

_Who do you think you are_

_To write on her heart_

_In permanent marker_

Instantly a harsh pang of guilt hit James hard. It didn't matter how much he hated him. Lily had found something to love in him, and he'd promised he'd wait until she decided. And he had to let her decide on her own…not like this. He waved his wand again, and the X disappeared. He put the photograph down, and reassured himself as best he could.

"You love her. You can wait. You can wait forever if you have to." And he knew he would.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Feelings Show

_You told me you'd wait here patiently _

_But I wonder if he's kidding_

Lily and James were sitting under a tree within view of the lake, him with his back resting against the tree while she curled up against his chest. She smiled into his shoulder as he rested his chin on the top of her head, and neither of them felt the need to say anything just yet. She had finally gotten to the point where sitting near the lake didn't automatically send her thoughts running to Severus. She had finally gotten to the point where she trusted herself enough to let James hold her. She had finally begun to believe him when he said he'd wait forever.

_Well maybe he could be serious now_

Did she really have to have all the answers right now?

_Maybe not, maybe not_

_Because love is crazy_

_Pretty baby_

_Take it real slow_

"Comfy?" He murmured against her hair.

"Very." She answered, nuzzling even closer to him as he chuckled.

_All you have to do is never, ever let go_

_My feelings show_

_And I want you to know_

"James?"

"Mmm hm?"

"I'm sorry."

_I'm sorry it's taking me so long_

_To find out what I'm feeling_

_I wonder if it will come to me_

"Don't be." She loved the way that even after all this time he still knew exactly what she meant. "I enjoy a challenge, and you my dear Lily Evans, are nothing if not that."

She giggled, and settled back against him. They sat in silence for a few more moments, before Lily took a deep breath and whispered something James couldn't make out.

"Come again?"

"I said…I said…I love you."

He beamed, the biggest smile of his life, glad she couldn't see just how big it was. "I know. I've just been waiting to hear you say it."

"Maybe I'll change my mind." She joked, even though it was the furthest thing from her mind. "Maybe I won't say it again."

"Then I'll wait." He answered confidently, squeezing her tightly. "I'll wait forever."

_What I'm saying is that I'm feeling a change_

_And I'll let it take over_

_Cause love is crazy _

_Pretty Baby_

_Take it real slow_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Loser

_Smoking cigarettes by a gas leak_

_I've been living like this for the past few weeks_

_And I watch as the world ends on the news_

Severus folded himself further into himself, huddled in the corner of his room in the rundown inn he'd been staying in since he'd left Hogwarts. The school had been his home for so long, that after graduation he hadn't really known where to go. His mother was recently dead, his father had been dead for as long as he could remember, he was an orphan but somehow it hardly seemed to matter. He'd always been alone when it really came down to it, and he'd only been kidding himself when he believed that someone cared. He shuddered as he always did when he thought of Lily, which was far too often for his own sanity. He knew she was engaged. It had been in the Daily Prophet, a cheery photo of the happy couple, and besides he'd known how close they were to it when school ended. But it still stung like hell.

All the young couples were getting married right out of school. With the war, no one knew how long they had. Severus was the only one who had the luxury of knowing that for him it didn't matter. Life. Death. They were all very much the same for him.

_The more we have, the less we try_

_With more mistakes than compromise_

_I lost all hope when it came to you_

That was why he had finally decided the night before, as he read about Voldemort and his Deatheaters in the Daily Prophet. He had finally decided that was as good a place for him as any. A place of pain, and darkness, and death…yes, that would suit him perfectly. Half of his old "friends" had joined up anyway.

_And I know that I was marked a loser from the start_

_As she walked right though me_

_Searching for the pieces of my heart_

_As the blame falls clearly on my shoulders_

_As I keep getting colder_

_Each day away from you_

It was easier then he had thought it would be to find the Dark Lord and his followers. It was almost as if they had been waiting for him, as if there had never been another outcome possible for his life. And yet…as he stood there among the cloaked figures, the air heavy with hatred and fear, all he saw was her face.

_Staring out the windows of backseats_

_I didn't drive this far to turn and leave_

_And I watched as you pulled away from me_

_Remember we said best friend_

_The promise died_

_In shattered glass reflections lie _

_A team now broken into sides_

Then the Dark Lord was gripping his wrist with cold fingers, and Severus' mind was spinning backwards, to when he was 11.

"I'm Lily." Red hair. Soft hands. Kind eyes. "What's your name?"

"Severus Snape." Voldemort's voice was a harsh hiss. "Are you loyal to me above all others?"

"Is it really magic, what we can do?" Gentle smile. Hopeful voice. Sweet, always so sweet. Yet strong…she was always the strong…

"Answer me!" Another hiss, but it was too late, in his mind he was with her. He was always with her.

"Severus?" His name. Her lips. When was the last time she had said his name? "Does it matter if your parents are wizards?"

"No!" He shouted it, shouted it with everything he had. He didn't know who he was answering. The sweet whisper, the hiss. The whisper or the hiss…the answer was the same. Had to always be the same, because he couldn't put anyone before her, because he never had been able to. Not even when she believed he had.

"I have seen your mind, Severus Snape." The hiss filled him now, there was no room for thoughts of Lily and he wanted them back, he wanted them back so badly. "There is one other you would hold above me, an offense worthy of death. And yet, as a merciful lord, I will permit you to live and to serve me."

"Why?" He was almost certain this voice was his. "Let me die. I welcome death."

"Because," The dark lord answered as he pressed his wand against Severus' forearm. "Few of my followers would sacrifice everything for me. They are fickle and power hungry. But you would do anything for this…Lily…and that may prove useful."

Severus shuddered as the mark appeared on his arm, and he didn't know if it was the tie to the Dark Lord or the mention of Lily's name from those less than human lips.

Now he was marked for the world to see what he truly was. It was only a matter of time before she would be proven right, before he became the monster she believed him to be. Only a matter of time…and now all there was to do was…wait.

_**And I know that I was marked a loser from the start**_

_**As she walked right though me **_

_**Searching for the pieces of my heart**_

_**As the blame falls clearly **_

_**On my shoulders**_

_**As I keep getting colder**_

_**Each day away from you**_

_**I feel cut down the middle**_


End file.
